Swine flu. Run for my life!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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