i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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