DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize