Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
