I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
