i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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