hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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