i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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