Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
