I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The adults are the big ones right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
