Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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