I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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