I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize