Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
