Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
