Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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