You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
