I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Buhtt sex?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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