Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
