Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize