Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
