Your face is a jimmy john
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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