Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
