i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
