woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
