i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
