I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
