This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
