I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
