a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
