So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
