his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
