why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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