ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize