Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
