She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
