dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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