so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
