Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
