he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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