do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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