Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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