I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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