I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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