I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
