If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize