Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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