I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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