am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize