i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
