She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
