Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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