how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ruined the universe
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
