i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
