Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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