you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
