Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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