Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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