mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
