Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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