I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
