I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
