I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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