Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
