had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
