I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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