it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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