We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
