I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize