I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
