My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
