look no pants
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
