you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
