also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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