2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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