Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
