His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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