barbara walters just said penis...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
