Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
