I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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