dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
