I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
