I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my sisters under your porch take her home
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
