well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
