You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
