My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
