Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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