she looked like the before picture.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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