I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
