she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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