I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
