Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
