he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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