So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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