He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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