I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
