Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
