i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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