I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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