Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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