I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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