Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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