I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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