He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
