I wish I could teleport
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
