so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize