Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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