I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize